I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
