That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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