Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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