Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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