I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
