a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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