I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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