just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
