I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
