how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
