so explain again why im purple
no
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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