You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This baby is an asshole
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
