I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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