Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
