your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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