i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
