ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
