Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
