shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
