I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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