I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
