how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
