so let's talk penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
