What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
