There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
