i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
