nut hugger
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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