Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
