sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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