Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
