As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A bitchslap is in order.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
