I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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