Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
