If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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