Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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