I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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