apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
