I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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