I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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