Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
