I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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