I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
