Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
