and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
