yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
