we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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