My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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