Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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