She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
