The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
