I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He did a backflip because drugs
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