If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
