If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
