Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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