It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
