I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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