I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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