i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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