Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
