he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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