I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
