Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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