You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
