if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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