it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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