We got so high we made milksteak
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
