I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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