I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
