did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
