Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize