you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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