In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
