You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When did angry sex become our thing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
