Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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