i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
