Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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