You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize