thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
