walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
