Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
