Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
