I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
