I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
