i just had sex bonerless
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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