been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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