1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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