shes about as inviting as chlamydia
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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