$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
