nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
