my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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