So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
